Spiraling Darkness
by kyil
Summary: Usagi continues to be plagued by nightmares of the battle with Chaos. Unable to escape the feelings of guilt, Usagi spiraled into self-loathing. Mamoru and the others must bring hope back into her heart before her shine is darken by the returning Chaos.
1. Prologue: The Nightmare Continues

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.**

Sitting silently by the windowsill in her bedroom, Usagi gazed at the shining moon with fatigued and saddened months had passed since the battle with Galaxia, but the memories of losing every one of her close friends continued to haunt her. Constant nightmares kept the pain fresh in her heart. Everytime she woke up from one, her mind would be in a state of panic, unable to tell what was reality and what had been a dream. The first time it had occurred, her heart was filled with such uncertainty and fear that she had rushed out of bed straight to the phone. In her frenzy to call Mamoru, she had thrown the unsuspecting Luna, who had been sleeping close beside her, to the ground. It was only after much assurance and comfort from Mamoru that she had been convinced it had all been just a nightmare filled with painful memories.

_'But why won't the nightmares go away,'_ Usagi wondered as she clutched her hands together tightly against her bosom, '_Mamo-chan is safe. Rei-chan and the others are safe. Everyone came back to me, so why won't these nightmares stop?'_

"Usagi-chan."

Pulled out of her thoughts, Usagi turned to find worried looking Luna leaping from her bed onto the windowsill to sit beside her.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake up Luna," Usagi said, immediately putting on a slight smile.

Not fooled by her charge, Luna shook her head and said, "Usagi-chan, you had that nightmare again didn't you?"

"Don't worry Luna. I'm all right. I just wanted to look at the full moon tonight," Usagi lied weakly.

"We both know that's a lie," Luna replied with pained filled eyes, "Usagi-chan, you shouldn't keep all your pain locked away. I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you...especially Mamoru-san."

"I'm sure the nightmares will go away eventually. There's no need for you guys to worry over something so trivial," Usagi said softly.

"Don't belittle yourself. Your health and happiness is NOT trivial. You keep telling us not to worry and that the nightmares will go away on its own, but the truth is that even you don't believe what you say. Let us help you Usagi-chan. Maybe if you talk about-"

"No Luna, I don't want to remember those awful memories," Usagi pleaded in a defeated, but stern tone, "If I talk about these dreams...please don't make me think about that battle. I just want to forget it ever happened."

"But it did happen and we can't change that. The longer you refuse to face these memories, the more painful they will become," Luna said gently as if coxing a frighten kitten.

"I keep telling you guys that I'm fine. They're just nightmares and nothing more. Everybody get nightmares so it's nothing for you guys to worry about," Usagi insisted stubbornly with a hint of annoyance edged into her voice, "Why do guys keep trying to make me remember those painful memories?"

"Stop being a child Usagi! Your refusal to face them is obviously hurting you. Do you think I haven't notice how you use the excuse of studying and doing homework to stay up later at night because you are afraid the moment you fall asleep you will have those nightmares again? Do you think the others haven't noticed how you've been overexerting yourself during senshi training?"

"You guys are just over-analyzing everything. Aren't you and Rei-chan always telling me to take my studies and senshi training more seriously? Why is it that now that I do exactly that, you guys suddenly get upset over it?"

"Because you are changing for the wrong reasons," Luna chided before continuing in a softer tone, "Please Usagi-chan, we just want to help. Keeping all that pain inside yourself is also hurting everyone who cares about you. Even your family noticed your constant late night study sessions and how tired you are in the morning. Let us help you."

Turning her gaze away from Luna's pleading eyes, Usagi wordlessly laid herself back on her bed and pulled the covers over herself before whispering softly, "I'm tired Luna. We should go back to sleep."

Knowing it would be pointless to pursue the issue any further at this time, Luna could only do as her princess instructed. With a heavy heart, the cat place herself once more beside Usagi and silently prayed that her princess won't be plagued by anymore nightmares tonight.

Unnoticed by the pair, a pair of red eyes hidden in the shadows had observed the entire exchange and directed its attention solely on the golden hair girl. The figure watched on as the girl tried to fight back sleep while the feline quickly fell into slumber. It continued to watch when the girl eventually lost the battle and drifted off into the realm of dreams. At the instant the girl had fallen asleep, the figure's mouth moved as if whispering a silent incantation and watched with great delight as the girl's once peaceful face twisted into one of agony and sadness.

_Rest assured Princess of the White Moon, your nightmare has only begun. Soon you will be at my mercy and your powerful starseed will be mine to command._

**A/N: I know I should be working on my other sm stories, but I just couldn't resist this idea that had been floating in my head for awhile now. This will be my second time trying to write a multi-chapter story that happens after the battle with Galaxia. I just find myself really wanting to explore Usagi's mind set after such a tramatic event, I mean sure in the other battles she had lost her friends before too, but the fight with Galaxia just seem a whole lot more scaring in my opinion. Let me know what you think of this prologue. 'Til next time.**


	2. 1: The First Step

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.**

"I'm really worried about Usagi-chan. She still won't talk to us about her nightmares," Luna said.

Sitting on the porch outside Rei's bedroom, the four girls held similar looks of unease as they discussed the dilemma with Usagi. Luna had gathered them together that day knowing Usagi would be occupied on her date with Mamoru. After the reaction the feline had received from Usagi the previous night, Luna understood that she would not be able to coax her princess into seeking out her friends for help on her own.

"So it has been these nightmares that's been causing Usagi-chan's strange behavior," Minako said with a frown, "But why won't she tell us about it if she's been having them for weeks?"

"Probably because the baka didn't want us to worry," Rei answered with a mixture of hurt and annoyance, "This is just like when she kept the fact Mamoru-san hadn't returned any of her letters to herself. When will she learn to depend on us more for support?"

"Right now the question is how do we get Usagi-chan to open up to us," Ami pondered aloud, "If we approach her directly on the subject like Luna had, Usagi-chan will probably either deny she has a problem or refuse to talk about it."

"Do you think it would be better if we had Mamoru-san talk to Usagi-chan," Makoto asked.

"I think she would have already spoken with Mamoru-san if she wanted to. The fact that she hasn't shows that Usagi-chan doesn't want to talk about it with anybody," Artemis replied with a shake of his head, "Maybe if we just give her a little more time to-"

"No Artemis, I've tried giving her time to ask for help on her own after I first noticed she was having nightmares, but she continues to refuse to talk to anybody about them," Luna declared, frustration clear in her eyes, "Usagi-chan's hurting and the longer she keeps everything to herself, the more she will convince herself that your deaths during the fight with Chaos had been her fault."

"No one blames her for any of that," Makoto exclaimed, "How could Usagi-chan think any of that was her fault?"

"She won't say it, but the look in her eyes every time she wakes up in the middle of the night is always full of guilt and self-loathing. Usagi-chan may have never told me specifically what her nightmares were about, but from the way she's been pushing herself during senshi training ever since that fight with Chaos, it's pretty obvious what her nightmares must be about."

"Okay, so we just have to show Usagi-chan she's not as powerless as she thinks she is," Makoto suggested.

"It's not that simple Mako-chan," Minako said with a shake of her head, "The first step is to get Usagi-chan to _admit_ she has a problem or else nothing we say will get through to her."

"But how are we going to do that," Rei questioned with a deep scowl, "Usagi may wear her emotions on her sleeves most of the time, but when it comes to her own problems, she gets so stubborn since she doesn't want to be a burden to anyone especially her friends."

Silence fell as none could find an answer to their friend's question.

* * *

><p>Sitting across from each other in a booth at an ice-cream parlor, Mamoru watched as Usagi stir her barely touched strawberry milkshake with her straw continuously. It worried him that his usually energetic girlfriend had been so quiet the entire day. Since he had picked her up at her house that morning, Mamoru had found Usagi in deep thoughts multiple times throughout their date.<p>

'_Not just today,' _Mamoru thought with a slight frown, '_Usako's been like this for awhile now. Obviously whatever's been bothering her is still on her mind.'_

"I'm sorry Mamo-chan, but I don't feel very hungry right now," Usagi suddenly declared softly, pulling her boyfriend out of his thoughts.

"Don't worry about it Usako, but are you not feeling well," Mamoru asked with concerned eyes, "You've been spacing out a lot today."

"I guess I'm just a little tired that's all," Usagi replied with a light smile, "It's nothing you need to worry about Mamo-chan."

"Usako-"

"We should get going," Usagi exclaimed, not giving Mamoru a chance to speak, "I promised papa I'd be home before dinner time. It would be bad if I'm late and papa becomes upset. He might even use it as an excuse to not let me go out as much."

Without a chance to correct Usagi on the fact that there was still over an hour before she was expected home, Mamoru quickly laid done the money for their bill and hurried after his girlfriend who was already waiting outside the parlor doors. Ready to demand for Usagi to tell him what was bothering her, his words died in his throat when she wrapped her arms around his in her usual manner and said with a bright smile, "Lets go Mamo-chan."

Unable to resist his princess's loving smile, Mamoru could only return a smile of his own and nodded in compliance. However, as soon as he turned his gaze away, Usagi's cheerful expression faltered. She had a good guess on what her prince wanted to discuss, but it was a topic she wanted to avoid. It was bad enough she had to live through those dreadful memories in her nightmares.

'_If I have to remember them during the day too...I don't want to experience that pain ever again, so please let these peaceful days continue,'_ Usagi silently wished as she unconsciously tightened her grip around Mamoru's arm.

"Is something wrong Usako?"

"Realizing what she had done, Usagi immediately loosened her grip and shook her head.

"No, nothing's wrong."

Completely unconvinced, Mamoru let out a sigh and halted in his steps. Turning to fully face Usagi who kept her gaze to the ground below her, he placed his hands on her shoulders and asked gently, "Usako, you know you can tell me anything right?"

"Of course I do Mamo-chan. Why would you suddenly ask me something like that," Usagi replied with a nervous smile, but continued to avoid her prince's concerned gaze.

"Because I can tell something is bothering you, but you obviously don't want to talk to me about it," Mamoru said before using his hand to raise Usagi's chin so she would meet his eyes, "Usako, don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you Mamo-chan," Usagi declared emotionally, "There's nobody in this world I trust more than you."

"Then why won't you talk to me?"

"Because..." Usagi said in a tone filled with uncertainty as she once more directed her gaze away from Mamoru's.

Waiting patiently for an answer, Mamoru watched as a a war of emotions rapidly flinted through Usagi's eyes. Slowly, traces of tears began to form as her eyes mist over. Surprising the unprepared Mamoru, she threw herself against him and buried her face into his chest while her hands tightly gripped his jacket.

"It hurts Mamo-chan," Usagi whispered shakingly as tears began sliding down her face, "It hurts to be left alone. I don't want that. I can't lose you or the others again. I'd rather...please, please don't ever leave me alone again."

The broken and sorrowful plead tore at his heart. Wrapping his arms around his princess in a protective embrace, Mamoru whispered words of comfort and assurance as he let Usagi cry out her fears and sadness.

"It's okay Usako. No matter what happens, I'll always be by your side. I won't ever leave you alone again."

* * *

><p>Sitting on the sofa in Mamoru's apartment, Usagi silently stared at her clenched hands on her lap. After having broken down crying in the middle of the street, Mamoru had gently comforted her before suggesting they talk things out at his apartment. Having been too tired to argue, she had agreed without a fight. Eyes still red from crying, Usagi gazed out into the orange sky through the sliding glass doors of the apartment balcony.<p>

'_Usagi-baka, who was the one that decided she wasn't going to burden others with her own problems anymore,'_ she scolded herself with a frown.

The sound of footsteps brought her out of her thoughts as she turned to find Mamoru walking toward her with a cup in hand.

"Here," Mamoru said as he handed Usagi the steaming cup of tea before sitting down beside her, "Something warm should help calm you down. I called Rei-san-"

"You told Rei-chan! Why would you do that," Usagi exclaimed frantically, eyes wide in panic.

"Calm down Usako or you'll spill the tea and burn yourself," Mamoru replied as he quickly grabbed hold of her hands to steady them, "I called Rei-san to have her cover for you since I doubt you want to go home right now and have your family question why you were crying."

Settling down at his answer, Usagi turned away and silently took a sip of her tea. When Mamoru saw she was not about to approach the subject of her problem on her own, he took the initiative and said, "You know, Rei-san and the other girls are also worried about you."

"Well they shouldn't," Usagi said before whispering in a much softer voice, "I'm not worth it."

Although her last words were spoken barely above a whisper, Mamoru had heard it as if she had screamed it through a megaphone.

"How can you say that Usako," Mamoru exclaimed in alarm, "Why would you look down on yourself like that? You are VERY important to all of us! Without you-"

"Without me you guys would be living normal, peaceful and happy lives," Usagi interrupted in a loud, bitter tone, "If you guys didn't always have to protect this weak, helpless, crybaby of a princess, your lives wouldn't be filled with so much danger and...and you guys wouldn't have died or gotten hurt."

Taking the cup in her hand and placing it on the coffee table, Mamoru then took her hands into his own and looked straight into her eyes.

"Listen carefully Usako. None of us ever even _thought_ of blaming you for our...for what happened to us in that fight with Chaos," Mamoru said, careful to avoid the word "death" to the currently fragile-minded Usagi, "Don't you understand that without you we wouldn't be here right now?"

"But-"

"No buts," Mamoru said sternly with a shake of his head, "If it wasn't for your strength, Earth would have already been destroyed by the Dark Kingdom all those years ago. If if wasn't for your kindness, Hotaru-chan would have died sacrificing herself to destroy Pharaoh 90 and Chibi-usa would have lost her first close friend. It's always been you who kept us believing that we will create a bright and happy future together, so please Usako, don't ever look down on yourself."

Tears were once more sliding down Usagi's face as she furiously shook her head.

"No Mamo-chan. I'm not strong at all. I always depend on you and the others for strength. When I saw everyone's star seed get stolen by Galaxia, I wanted to give up. I could have just given up. No, I _know_ I would have given up if the Starlights haven't been there to encourage me and kept me from losing hope," Usagi admitted, eyes full of guilt, "I'm always depending on others. I'm useless on my own."

"You're wrong Usako," Mamoru protested in such a strong tone that Usagi looked at him in shock, "So what if you depend on us for support? We depend on you just as much if not more. If there's anything you've taught me, it is that there's nothing wrong with leaning on your friends for support. Haven't you always tried your best to help us whenever one of us has a problem? So why can't you let us help you now?"

"I don't want to burden you guys," Usagi replied uncertainly as she bit her lower lip in discomfort.

"We want to help you Usako. _I_ want to help you. Please don't push us away," Mamoru pleaded gently.

A long moment of silence fell as he nervously watched Usagi think over his words. When she finally nodded as a sign of acceptance, Mamoru's face lite up in joy and pulled her into his embrace.

"We will work everything out together," Mamoru vowed softly to which Usagi responded with another nod against his chest, "I promise Usako, you will never be alone again."

**A/N:I surprise myself in finishing the first chapter already. Well now Usagi's willing to try overcoming her fears and guilt with the help of her Mamo-chan and her friends, but of course things aren't going to be easy. Especially since Chaos still haven't made his presence known to them yet. 'Til next time.**


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